the time Martha Stem decided she desperately needed relief from a fresh wave of anguish, she had been adding to what she calls her “trauma box” for decades.
A retired appellate paralegal and grandmother in her early 70s, Stem had compartmentalized all sorts of traumatic events so that she could focus on caring for others. In her “box” were two sexual assaults while in college, pressure from loved ones to keep those incidents quiet, a suicide attempt, two divorces and other significant stressors. Packing away all these difficult experiences left her angry and depressed for much of her life.
Then, during Hurricane Helene in September 2024, the box finally busted open.
Stem, who lives in Tampa, Florida, went to check on her ex-husband, Jimmy, after the storm. Jimmy, her second husband, had remained a close friend and a father figure to her children from her first marriage, and Stem was helping to care for him during his arduous eight-year battle with cancer.
She found him dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound.
Jimmy’s loss was devastating. Stem, who had been on antidepressant medication for about 20 years, found a psychotherapist she liked to help her cope with this most recent trauma. But it didn’t feel like enough to address the decades of pain that had come rushing out.
It was Palm Sunday 2025, and Stem was at a Catholic Mass with her family, kneeling in the pew after taking communion and tears started streaming down her face.
“I didn’t do anything to stop it. I just let it go, because I realized this is a tidal wave,” Stem said.
She had tried traditional treatment. “But it’s not helping, and you need to find another way,” she told herself then.
Even before Jimmy’s death, Stem had been interested in psychedelic treatment, which has undergone a resurgence after decades of stagnation. That, in turn, has spurred a dramatic cultural shift that is leading some states to adopt laws that allow for use of the drugs in various contexts.
But after losing Jimmy, Stem felt motivated to try a retreat in Oregon centered around the drug psilocybin, the psychedelic compound in “magic” mushrooms. Oregon became the first state to legalize psilocybin mushrooms in 2020, rolling out regulated psilocybin services in 2023.
As psilocybin has become more available, more people are giving retreats like these a try. Dozens of people shared their stories with CNN, and each had their own unique experience, ranging from profound and life-changing to scary and disappointing.
‘A guided, intentional journey’
Stem’s desire for an alternative path came alongside rapid growth in the volume of research around the therapeutic potential of psychedelic drugs like psilocybin.